Hartley’s Column—–December 21st, 2012 Edition 398 

 

Tis the season to be jolly! In just four more sleeps Santa will arrive. As usual, old St Nick won’t ruin the suspense and tell anyone about the gifts that he will place under the tree.

 

There are reports though that the reindeer and Mrs. Claus have been very busy assembling a spectacular package. So, one can only speculate on what the following individuals can expect on Christmas day:

 

Gary Bettman: A one way ticket to the North Pole. The further away he is from the hockey scene the better.

 

Donald Fehr: An autographed picture of Gary Bettman. This will allow him never to forget his nemesis.

 

Roman Hamrlik: A bully-proof vest. This will come in handy so he can withstand the constant
barrage of bullying by other NHL players because he voiced his honest opinion on the lockout.

Mike Johnston: A rule book. The suspended Portland Winterhawks coach/GM needs to understand what is naughty and what is nice, or shall we say fair play.

 

Brandi Brodsky: Fans. Not the ones that blow the air around. The ones the Cougars used to have that actually purchased tickets.

 

Gregg Popovich: A mirror so he can admire himself. After all it is clear he is bigger than the
NBA. By the way Pop, when you are done with the mirror, A-Rod wouldn’t mind borrowing it.

 

Zack Greinke: A wallet. He needs a fat one for his $147 million which makes him arguably the most overpaid pitcher in the game.

 

Usain Bolt: A Jaguar. Racing humans is too easy for the Jamaican. Let’s see how he will do against a sports car.

 

Christine Sinclair: An American Hat. This would be a nice souvenir for the Lou Marsh Athlete of the Year to commemorate her hat trick against the U.S. in that bitter war of a soccer game at the Olympics.

 

Shari Green: Golf clubs. Maybe if Shari used them on the “Green” she could appreciate the many hackers that enjoy swinging at Pine Valley.

 

Brian Skakun: Mixer. A real thick one to help Stir the Pot.

 

Pete Carroll: Replacement referee figurine. The Seahawks coach can cherish the moment how the fake refs enhanced Seattle’s playoff hopes.

 

Roger Goodell: A mounted wall clock. It should come with the New Orleans Saints logo and the words bounty gate in big bold letters written across the clock from the number nine to number three.

 

 

Tim Tebow: A Clipboard. Make it a shiny one. It is hard to believe he was the talk of the NFL at this time last year and now he is the Jets designated specialty teams blocker. Even Greg McElroy moved ahead of him. Wow!

 

Mark Cohon: Coupon books. Hopefully the CFL Commissioner gets enough to hand out to each player in the league.

 

 

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On behalf of my wife Brenda and adult children Lucas and Lexine, I would like to extend my best wishes and happy holidays to my co-workers, contacts, acquaintances, twitter followers, readers and
of course, friends and family.

I would also like to thank my regular quote rack contributors, including Janice Hough, Bill Littlejohn, Derek Wilken, TC Chong, RJ Currie, Torben Rolfsen, Jerry Perisho & Marc Ragovin, many of whom do not receive monetary compensation. They submit their entries as a hobby and for enjoyment and entertainment.

 

Regardless of beliefs and convictions, let us not take anything for granted and cherish the moment of the Christmas season.

 

 

One of my favorite parts about Christmas is singing carols. My favorite Christmas carol is dedicated to Tiger Woods: “I’m dreaming of a White Mistress”.

 

I’m dreaming of a Dwight Christmas,
Just like the ones L.A. now knows,
Where the players conspired,
To get the coach fired,
While hitting only 47 percent of his free throws!
Mike Bianchi of The Orlando Sentinel

 

 

 

It’s taking some time for the guy who runs the L.A. Lakers to learn the names of the players. But enough about Kobe.

 

Hillary Clinton suffered a concussion. Out of habit, Roger Goodell blamed the Saints.

 

 

The Michigan Ballet Company has offered Ndomukung Suh a part in The Nutcracker.

The Toronto Raptors’ Andrea Bargnani told an Italian newspaper that the Raptors are "pretty much the worst team in the NBA." Responded the Washington Wizards: "Who are we, chopped liver?"

 

Commenting on the Lakers poor record this season, Kobe Bryant said “At this point I wish we had the Washington Generals on our schedule.” “Right back at ya,” said the coach of the Generals.

 

The Hornets aren’t the only team that may change its name to the Pelicans’—a few more arrests and the Bengals could move their franchise to Pelican Bay.
Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California

 

Three deer reportedly got onto the track during a horse race at The Meadows in Washington County. Savvy betters quickly picked Rudolph to win by a nose.

 

A hardcore Toronto hockey fan plunked down $3,500 to buy a toilet from the team’s old locker room at Maple Leafs Garden.
It’s not every day you get something that has had an intimate relationship with every bum who has played for the Maple Leafs.
Ken Campbell in the Hockey News

 

 

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.