Hartley Miller's Slap Shots - Oct.9th, 2009
Friday, October 09, 2009 03:45 AM
This is Thanksgiving weekend in Canada and metaphorically speaking, there is no place serving more turkeys than the city of Toronto. Raise your hand if you take great delight in the misery of Torontonians!Just imagine the frustration of diehard Blue Jays, Argonauts, Raptors and Maple Leafs fans. Hey, maybe compared to their counterparts, the Leafs may not be looking that bad.
Here is a look at the state of each of these Toronto “sad sack” franchises:
Blue Jays
Thank goodness that another long year is finished. After compiling a dismal 75-87 record, the Blue Jays fired General Manager J.P. Ricciardi, ending an eight-year reign marked by mediocre teams that failed to reach the post-season. In fact, the Jays have not qualified for the playoffs since they last won the World Series, 16 years ago in 1993.
As well, there are published reports of a major rift existing between the players and manager Cito Gaston. Centre-fielder Vernon Wells says, “There are issues, obviously. We have to figure out how to do this in a family manner.”
Ace pitcher Roy Halladay added to these reports by saying, “Any concerns I have will be expressed to the right people”.
Now, this raises the next topic: What is the team going to do with Halladay, who has just one year left on his contract before becoming a free agent? It is safe to assume that Halladay will be happy to leave the highest level of organizational dysfunction to hit the Blue Jays.
The new GM is Montreal native Alex Anthopoulos, promoted from vice-president of baseball operations and assistant General Manager, and he is only 32. Good luck Alex, in trying to turn this inherited mess around.
Argonauts
At least with the Blue Jays, their painful season is over. The Argos still have five games remaining. The 3-10 Argonauts are coming off another lopsided home loss, 27-8 to Montreal. Just last month, the team snapped a franchise-record 10-game home losing streak at Rogers Centre. Things were no better
in 2008 when the Argos ended their season on a 9-game losing streak to finish with a 4-14 record.
in 2008 when the Argos ended their season on a 9-game losing streak to finish with a 4-14 record.
The rotating quarterback situation between Kerry Joseph and Cody Pickett has been a blunder. First-year Head Coach Bart Andrus appears to be in over his head at the CFL level. Just four years ago, the Argonauts averaged over 30,000 for home games, but this year that number is down approximately 4,000 fans per game or 36,000 fans in total for the year.
Who says it is the good ship Argos? The boatmen are sinking into oblivion.
Raptors
The good news for the Raptors is they are 0-0. This will change when the NBA season begins October 28 as Lebron, Shaq and the rest of the Cleveland Cavaliers visit Toronto. Since the team entered the league in 1995, the Raptors have seen seven head coaches, all of whom with losing records. Current Head Coach, Canadian Jay Triano, boasts a record of 25-40 after taking over from the fired Sam Mitchell just 17 games into the 2008-09 season.
The Raptors overall record is 462-654 (.414 winning percentage). They have qualified for the playoffs a mere five times earning an 11-20 record (.355). In addition, Toronto has advanced beyond the first round just once.
However, there is hope, with all-star Chris Bosh, former first round overall pick Andrea Bargnani and recently signed ex Orlando Magic Hedo Turkoglu on the current roster. Bosh turned down a contract extension this summer, meaning he qualifies for unrestricted free agency next year. Any bets he will leave the Raptors den. The ball is clearly in his court.
Maple Leafs
As previously mentioned, the Leafs may be the best of the bad bunch in Toronto. Having missed the playoffs in each of the last four years, expectations are low; although GM Brian Burke is convinced, he put together a group that will reach the post season.
In last week’s column, I suggested that Vesa Toskala is an adequate goalie, and early into a new season, my assessment is generous. Toskala, has allowed seven goals on 35 shots (.800 save percentage and 4.94 GAA), which could very well be a sign of things to come.
Despite past Leaf issues, one thing is certain about this franchise, they are the most high profile of the Toronto bunch, which puts them under the biggest microscope. However, this spotlight will not be shining brightly.
Summary
Hockey fans in Prince George may be frustrated by the lack of competitiveness year in and year out of the Cougars and Spruce Kings, but at least UNBC basketball has given the city recent memorable moments.
In Toronto, it is hard to determine which team has the biggest turkey. It is clear the Blue Jays, the Argonauts, the Raptors and the Maple Leafs should be nicknamed “Utility”, Grade “B”, “Butterball” and “Honeysuckle”.
Yes, as the old adage states, “what is good for the goose is good for the gander”.
From the quote rack:
A 43-year-old man in Canada was sentenced to counseling after he shot his handgun into a television. Ladies and gentlemen, meet your average Blue Jays fan. Comedy writer Jerry Perishohttp://monologuewriter.blogspot.com/
Great news in Cincinnati. The 3-1 Bengals have more wins than arrests.
For years, the Packers’ line has done a great job of giving Brett Favre time to throw the football. Unfortunately, for Green Bay, they did the same thing Monday.
A fossil hominid (pre-human) skeleton found in Africa is apparently over 4 million years old and pre-dates Lucy. No confirmation on the rumor it was found wearing a Brett Favre jersey.
Liberal political commentator James Carville said conservative talk-show host Glenn Beck was "out-and-out-nuts" and a hypocrite for claiming to be pro-American but celebrating Obama's "failure" to bring the Olympics to the U.S.
And Carville added, "Beck wouldn't know the difference between a football, a bat and a hockey court."
To which Beck allegedly responded. "Right, like Carville's ever sat through all nine innings of a hockey game in his life.
And Carville added, "Beck wouldn't know the difference between a football, a bat and a hockey court."
To which Beck allegedly responded. "Right, like Carville's ever sat through all nine innings of a hockey game in his life.
Contributor Janice Hough of Palo Alto, California (www.leftcoastsportsbabe.com)
So the IOC awarded the 2016 Summer Olympics to Rio de Janiero over Chicago. Let’s see. It was between a bunch of young Brazilian chicks sashaying along the beach in their thong bikinis or a bunch of Chicago ironworkers eating bratwurst in their ill-fitting tank tops. Must have been a hard choice.
So the Mets season is finally over. Ya know what this means? Only 140 days until pitchers and catchers report to rehab.
Comedy writer Marc Ragovin of New York
Vancouver Olympic officials are upset with the amount of counterfeit Olympic material showing up. So far, they have found imitation mascots, trinkets and a couple of Ice Dancing judges.
Contributor Derek Wilken of Calgary (http://smacksport.blogspot.com/)
Contributor Derek Wilken of Calgary (http://smacksport.blogspot.com/)
Bills wide receiver Terrell Owens says he is in a "no win situation". Which means he is playing in Buffalo.
Comedy writer Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va (http://jokesbyjim.blogspot.com/)
It is illegal in Canada to use more than 25 pennies in a transaction, according to Yahoo Travel. If this is true, how can CFL players cash their cheques?
Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Star Phoenix
Evander Holyfield, new environmentalist, is now advertising himself as the 'Lean Green Fighting Machine'. Right. And after his next fight, he'll be singing, 'It Ain't Easy Being Green'.
A recently deceased grandmother in Jerusalem reportedly had a record-breaking 1400 relatives. That record is expected to be broken by the next single winner of Powerball.
Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California
And in case you missed it: (the worst of the week)
101 Damnations
Headline in the Chicago Tribune after the Chicago Cubs completed their 101st consecutive season without a World Series title.
Hartley Miller is the sports director for radio stations 94X and the Wolf@97fm. He also writes for the PG Free Press. Send along a quote, note or anecdote to hmiller@94xfm.com.
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Posted by: Winstons on October 9 2009 8:48 AM