Panel data provided by Madison's Canadian Lumber Reporter.

Hartley Miller's Slap Shots - Friday, Dec 23, 2005 Edition

By 250 News

Yes, tis the season to be jolly. Just two more sleeps, and Santa will make his arrival. I heard through the grapevine that Mr. Claus will be handing out several photos as Christmas presents. 

To confirm this rumour, I contacted Santa at the North Pole. I managed to have a good conversation with Jolly Old St. Nick, which included the following Question and Answer period:

HARTLEY: Hello Santa. This is your favourite media personality, Hartley Miller, calling from your favourite city, Prince George, B.C. Long time, no see, and hear, for that matter.
Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Nice to hear your voice! Have you been up to mischief again this year Hartley? I sure hope not.
HARTLEY: Come on big fella. Forget the naughty. I'm just nice. But this call isn't about me. I've heard you’re planning to distribute photographs to selected personalities on Christmas morning? Hey, Santa can you give a little sneak peak at what your planning?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Always digging aren't you? Yes, I'm just wrapping the last presents.

HARTLEY: Santa, how about we play a little word association game? I will call out a name, and you tell me which photo he or she gets, and why?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Ah, what the heck? To satisfy, your (sometimes distorted) mind, and to get into the holiday spirit, why not?
HARTLEY: Ok, Let's start with Ex-Winnipeg Blue Bomber, and Prince George Teachers Association Vice-President Matt Pearce?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Matt will get a picture of BC Education Minister, Shirley Bond, just to remind him how the teachers got nothing for a two week strike.

HARTLEY: How about School District 57 Secretary Treasurer, Bryan Mix?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Bryan will get a blown up picture of a Prince George School Gymnasium, without a locked gate, as a reminder that gymnasiums can be opened in the summer.

HARTLEY: Okay, Santa, here is a good one. How about Mr. “Grinch” himself, Ben (Bad News) Meisner?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Ben will get a framed representation of PG Mayor, Colin Kinsley, to remind him no matter how hard Ben tried, he wasn't successful in kicking him out of office.

HARTLEY: Santa, do you have anything for PG Senior Lacrosse President and Councilor Glen “Moose” Scott?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Yes, indeed. He will get a portrait of 78,000 PG residents, huddled together, as a reminder to Moose to take a poll of each one of them, so he knows how to vote on an issue.

HARTLEY: Santa, there should something in your bag targeted for past Councilor Dan Rogers?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Yes, Dan will receive a thank you card from all his handlers, as a reminder of the bad advice he received to run for Mayor.


HARTLEY: Santa, you must have something in your “goodie” bag for Hockey Enforcers Promoter Darryl Wolski?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! I sure do. Mr. Wolski will receive a print of Councilor Brian Skakun, as a reminder of the guy he wants to headline his next card.

HARTLEY: PG Spruce Kings Coach Ed Dempsey is anxiously awaiting a gift.

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! . Yup, he will get an enlarged photograph of Ex-Cariboo Canucks coach Trevor Sprague, as a reminder of the coaching candidate he conveniently overlooked.

HARTLEY: And PG Cougars GM Dallas Thompson?

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! He's special and gets a double photo. He will receive one picture of former Cougars coach, Lane Lambert, and another of ex-player Blair Stengler, as a reminder of those who didn't want to belong to the friends and family organization.

HARTLEY: You know Santa, I get the sense your tongue is stuck in your cheek. At least I'm grateful that you are not handing out any photos of me.

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! That was in the works, but my photocopier broke down from all the requests.

HARTLEY: Well, Santa. This call is getting expensive. Say Hi to Rudy, Dixon, Blixon, Hixon and the rest of the gang. Hope you can fit down my chimney on Sunday. See you then.

Santa: Ho!! Ho!! Ho!! Before I go, I just want to wish everyone in Prince George a very Merry Christmas, and a safe, happy, holiday season.










• From the quote rack:

Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: "World Cup soccer officials are warning fans to not risk buying tickets on eBay, according to organizing committee vice president Horst Schmidt, who added he regrets that, when his name is said very quickly, it sounds like something not very nice."

• Comedian Alex Kaseberg, on a study from Utah that reveals a man's sex drive goes down whenever his team loses: "As a result, Los Angeles Dodgers fans could be extinct by 2015."

• Antoine Walker, of the Miami Heat, on why he takes so many three-point shots: "Because there are no fours."
• Bud Geracie of the San Jose Mercury News: "Maryland has had trouble protecting its quarterback this season, but it's too easy to blame it all on guard Andrew Crummey."
• Tonight Show host Jay Leno, after boxing great Muhammad Ali was presented the Medal of Freedom from President Bush: "It was a little sad — it was hard to understand him, he didn't make any sense. But Muhammad was patient and tried to help President Bush finish."

And, how is your week?

--Hartley Miller is the sports director for radio stations 94X and the Wolf@97FM. He also writes for the PG Free Press, and is author of You Don't Say (Andrews-McMeel, 2005).

Previous Story - Next Story



Return to Home