Hartley Miller's Slap-Shots May 12th Edition

By Hartley Miller

The WHL and NFL just completed their player drafts. The NHL, and NBA drafts, are scheduled in the near future. It doesn’t matter what the league, when describing their prospects, team representatives use the same upbeat language, especially lower echelon clubs.

Whether it’s PG Cougars General Manager Dallas Thompson, Vancouver Canucks GM Dave Nonis, Portland Trail Blazers GM John Nash or Houston Texans GM Charley Casserly, they all sound pretty much the same. The following are some of these catch phrases, with my interpretation on those comments:

“We are going to take the best player available". No, really! Just once, I would love to hear a team say they are going to take the "worst" player available. I would cheer for this team.

"He could be the steal of the draft". He could easily be the dud of the draft as well.

"He’s a character kid". Must mean he loves watching those cartoon characters on Saturday Morning.

"There’s a lot of up-side to him". There is likely more "down-side".

“He’s got size”. Last I checked everyone has some sort of size.

“He’s gung-ho about the game”. Enthusiasm is great, but it may not last long.

“He’s got leadership qualities”. So does Stephen Harper and I doubt many would want him on the team.

“He has scoring ability”. Having the ability to score and actually being able to do it at the next level may not be the same thing.

“He’s an honest hard working player". Always nice to have someone that is truthful about a lack of natural ability.

“He’s a great prospect". Chances are though, he will never make it.

"I’m excited for him and he’s excited about being part of our team". This could change once he arrives and finds out all the ins and outs about being part of the organization.

“He just seems to like to play the game.”  I’m sure he likes to play. Millions of other kids like to as well, but will anyone pay to see him in the line up?

"He’s been on a winner".  So, he likely won’t handle losing well and could be a problem down the road.

"He’s very dedicated". Must mean he’s at church at least once a week.

"I think he’ll be a good fit for us". The fingers are crossed because he likely wouldn’t be a good fit for other teams.

“He’s very talented, the complete package.” Hype at its finest, but can easily mean
the sizzle is better than the steak.

“He knows what it takes". To do what?

“He’s a competitor". As if every other kid in the draft isn’t.

“He comes to play every night". Glad he can read a schedule.

“We couldn’t believe he was still there". This is my personal favorite. In other words, everybody else doesn’t think he is as good as you have projected him to be.

There you have it. Hartley’s Draft Dictionary! File it for future reference. I’m sure most of the GM’s have all the “catch phrases” memorized. It’s rhetoric at its finest.

From the quote rack:

"Image-troubled major league baseball might want to adopt this slogan for its tough new drug-testing policy:

"Urine or yer out!’ ’’ .

Jeff Funnekotter of Calgary 

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"It looks like Barry Bonds will pass Babe Ruth any day now. He only has five more pounds to go."
Jim Greene of San Francisco, in Tom Fitzgerald’s syndicated column.

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The grass always is greener on the other side."

Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, on why drug-suspended running back Ricky
Williams of the Miami Dolphins should consider playing this year in the CFL.

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"Denzel Washington’s son — John David Washington, a running back from Morehouse College — signed a free-agent contract with the St. Louis Rams. And in Tennessee, fans were stunned that he didn’t remember the Titans".

Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times

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"Boy, that Karl Malone gets around.’’.

NBC’S Jay Leno, on the wives of Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal giving birth to daughters just six minutes apart.

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"It [would have been] the first time a player had been sidelined by a pulled groin that wasn’t his own."

From The Flip Side column in the Baltimore Sun, on Reggie Evans of the Denver Nuggets avoiding a suspension for grabbing the crotch of Chris Kaman of the L.A. Clippers.  

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And in case you missed it……..

According to the San Jose Mercury News, the San Francisco 49ers signed a kicker by the name of Andrew Jacas.

And how was your week?

Hartley Miller is the sports director for radio stations 94X and the Wolf@97fm. He also writes for the
PG Free Press. His e-mail address is hmiller@94xfm.com

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