Hartley Miller's Slap Shots August 4th Edition

By Hartley Miller

There are many advantages to being in the broadcast business, over print journalism, but sometimes the written medium is a lot easier than taking to the airwaves.

Welcome to the NAME GAME!!

At times, spelling names is less difficult than pronouncing them. On the radio one is often criticized for shortening names (due to time restraints). On the other hand, in an article there should be no need to go with the short form.

For instance, PG Women’s Soccer has one team called VanValve/Scotiabank/Tamarack and not to be outdone PG Senior Baseball has the Barry Yip Remax/Moxies Gladiators and in PG Senior Women’s Fastball there's the Red Robin/Esso Aviation Tigers.

Many of the local leagues and/or events have more than one sponsor, but nothing compares to the Busch Race at Pikes Peak International Raceway which is called The ITT Industries Systems Division & Goulds Pump Salute to the Troops 250 Presented by Dodge. Driver Stanton Barrett told the Knoxville News Sentinel, "This might be the only race in the series where it takes longer to say the race name than it does to run the whole 250 miles."

The NFL season is approaching and they have no shortage of tongue twisters. Don Banks of SI.com has his ultimate scenario "Some time before I die, I'd like to see Cardinals fullback Obafemi Ayanbadejo tackled by Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora, preferably after taking a handoff from Raiders quarterback Marques Tuiasosopo, with Rams tight end Brandon Manumaleuna having missed a block on the play”.

As well, there may be a new player coming into the NFL affectionately known as "Baba"- nose tackle Baba Oshinowo, the Cleveland Browns' sixth-round draft pick out of Stanford. His real name is short for Babatunde Oluwasegun Temitope Oluwakorede Adisa Oshinowo Jr.  I wonder if U.S. spelling bee champ Katharine Close of New Jersey has mastered this one yet.

In baseball, Maui High School pitcher Kalaika Kahoohalahala hopes to make it “big” one day.

On the LPGA tour, David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram was pleased that the U.S. Women's Open avoided a headline writer's worst nightmare: "A playoff between Virada Nirapathpongporn and Stacy Prammanasudh." 

At the recently completed World Cup, Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle selected his all-name soccer team: "Zinedine Zidane (France), Torsten Frings (Germany), Otto Addo (Ghana), Ferydoon Zandi (Iran), Gianluigi Buffon (Italy), Boubacar Barry Copa (Ivory Coast), Razak Pimpongg (Ghana), Paulo Wanchope (Costa Rica), Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink (Netherlands) and Love (Angola).

These aforementioned names are pale in comparison to a Dutch soccer team known as NAC Breda for short which according to The Guardian of London has the longest team name in soccer: Nooit Opgeven Altijd Doorzetten Aangenaam Door Vermaak En Nuttig Door Ontspanning Combinatie Breda.

Here’s an interesting twist from the Hyphenated Names Department.  Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times wonders: What if St. Louis Cardinals outfielder John Gall had married the granddaughter of FIFA boss Sepp Blatter?"

It may be just a name but some people have all the luck. Ben Davis High School in Indianapolis has an offensive lineman whose name is known both forward and backward by rival players: Evan Nave. Now that’s what you might call a two-way player!

From the quote rack:

"For another hundred dollars, a Billy Martin impersonator will conclude the burial rites by kicking the dirt back into the grave."

Comedian Argus Hamilton, on casket-makers targeting Big-league baseball fans by offering models that have team logos.

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"The most likely buyers will be dead pull hitters."

Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, on the burial caskets that feature baseball team's logos. 

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"Another Pain in the Ace." 

Headline in the Chicago Sun-Times after injury-prone Cubs pitcher Mark Prior missed a scheduled start due to a strained muscle.

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"So now you can get up and boo your breakfast."

Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Star Phoenix, on Yankees infielder Alex Rodriguez being put on
a Wheaties box.

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"The All American Football League, which starts play next spring, requires that its players have a college degree. Within three years, the league champion hopes to challenge the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders."

Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California

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"In Cincinnati,  FBI stands for 'Four Bengals Incarcerated.' " 

Toronto comedian Frenchie McFarlane, on the four Bengals arrested and/or charged in the past
few months.

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"I have the answer in 13 words: "Legs, butts, hair, post-game bare chests, buckets of sweat, and, of course, faking!" .

McFarlane again, explaining why women made up 41 per cent of the television audience for the World Cup.

And in case you missed it……..

The LA Lakers have increased the price of a courtside seat from $2,100 to $2,200 for the 2006-2007 NBA season. Peter Schmuck of the Baltimore Sun breaks it down this way: "Just to put it in further perspective, consider that if Kobe Bryant averages 27 field-goal attempts a game next year (like he did this past season), courtside fans will be paying $81.48 per shot.

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And how was your week?

Hartley Miller is the sports director for radio stations 94X and the Wolf@97fm. He also writes for the
PG Free Press. Hartley's e-mail address is hmiller@94xfm.com

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