Hartley Miller's Slap-Shots - January 5th Edition - Opinion 250 - News for Northern and Central Interior of British Columbia, Canada

Hartley Miller's Slap-Shots - January 5th Edition

Friday, January 05, 2007 03:45 AM

It’s taken seven long days and despite objections from the publisher, and my critics, I have returned. Last week you were introduced to half of the winners in the 2nd Annual Hartley Awards. As previously mentioned, in order to receive this “di-STINK-tive” honor, winners must have accomplished something “special” in the sports world during the 2006 year.

So, on to the presentations! Again, we ask for complete silence as we honor those that went below and beyond the call of duty:

Everyone welcome award: And the winner is......the BCHL. This league managed to demean its 60 game regular season schedule by allowing all eight Coastal Conference teams and seven Interior Conference teams (plus either Williams Lake or Quesnel) to qualify for the post season party. It's hard to understand the significance of the first 60 games. League officials must have a difficult time defending the rationale behind this move. Accepting the award on behalf of the BCHL is Commissioner John Grisdale.

Job Swap award: And the winners are.....Mike Vandekamp and Drew Schoneck. Vandekamp was sacked as coach of the PG Cougars and three weeks later accepted the coach and GM job with the BCHL’s Powell River Kings. Meanwhile, Schoneck couldn’t wait to leave his losing record behind in Powell River and take over from Vandekamp with the Cougars. This begs the question -was it a promotion or demotion for these two men?

Hop on the bus award: And the winner is......Everett Silvertips Coach Kevin Constantine. In an exhibition contest, the visiting Silvertips were beaten 5-0 by Tri-City, so Constantine had his players remain in their gear for a post-game meal, and the four-hour bus ride back to Everett. It is amazing that Constantine was handed a four game suspension by the WHL. I mean, it’s not like he asked his soldiers to walk home on skates.

Slap in the face award: And the winner is... the Duchess Park Condors Basketball Team. The Condors won the Provincial Boys Double “A” championship in Kamloops, and yet not one of their players was picked to play in the B.C. High School All-Star game. You have to give Basketball BC credit for snubbing champions from the north.

There is one final distinction to close out our ceremony….

Joke of the year award: PG outdoor enthusiasts will appreciate the following courtesy of Professor Richard Wiseman of England's University of Hertfordshire, who conducted a scientific survey of 350,000 online voters. And the winner is....

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead”. There is a silence then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

There you have it, the conclusion to the much anticipated “Hartley Awards”. One thing is certain, you the audience, definitely got a “bang” for your buck.

From the quote rack: (A look back to some of the best and worst of what was said in 2006)

“A guy's wife finds a note in his coat. It reads 'Sexy Elaine.' The guy tells her: 'Relax, that's a horse. I just got a tip on it.' A half-hour later, the wife returns and whacks him in the head. The guy asks what's wrong? The wife says: 'Your horse just called here.'”

Comedian Jerry Lewis

“Apparently, Terrell Owens is already preparing his complaint that the bombs weren't thrown
his way.”

Jeff Funnekotter of Calgary, in the Saskatoon Star Phoenix, on a reported threat of dirty bombs being aimed at several NFL stadiums.

“They're called Ryan Leaf Burgers.''

Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California, after a Burger King customer was charged $4,334.33 on his debit card instead of $4.33

“The news wasn't all bad, however. He also has the Cubs pegged to win the World Series in 2013."
Dwight Perry of The Seattle Times, after former Phillies catcher Darren Daulton predicted the world will come to an end on Dec. 21, 2012.

“I was on the 101 Freeway and my car got hit by one of (Phil) Mickelson's tee shots.''

NBC's Jay Leno, claiming he had an accident on his way to work, a day after the U.S. Open golf championship.

“Thanks to him, thousands of kids now know which NBA player is their dad."

Jay Leno, on a party to honor Nobel Prize winner, and the co-discoverer of DNA, James Watson.

“It (would have been) the first time a player had been sidelined by a pulled groin that wasn't his own.”

The Flip Side column in the Baltimore Sun, on Reggie Evans of the Denver Nuggets avoiding a suspension for grabbing the crotch of Chris Kaman of the L.A. Clippers.

"One opponent already has backed out, over health concerns expressed by her grandson."
Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on unexpected snags in Evander Holyfield's heavyweight comeback bid.

And in case you missed it:

Here are the Top 10 hockey names, courtesy of Rob Vanstone in the Regina Leader-Post.
1. Ted Killer; 2. Roman Crobar; 3. Morris Titanic; 4. Seppo Repo; 5. Jim Boo;
6. John Baby; 7. Bart Crashley; 8. Hilliard Graves; 9. Buster Harvey; 10. Mickey Volcan.

And how was your week?

Hartley Miller is the sports director for radio stations 94X and the Wolf@97fm. He also writes for the PG Free Press. Send along a quote, note or anecdote to hmiller@94xfm.com

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