Hartley Miller's Slap Shots, February 8th Edition

Friday, February 08, 2008 03:45 AM

I watched the Super Bowl game (the Giants massive upset of the Patriots) at one of the local neighborhood establishments. I am very happy to report that there were no heart attacks among the frenzied fans that were glued to the “boob-tube”. So, why is this news?

A recent study revealed that the stress and excitement of major sporting events is enough to trigger heart attacks among fans. The odds are increased amongst those with known heart conditions.

During the 2006 World Cup of Soccer, researchers tracking cardiac emergencies found that on the days when host Germany played, the rate of cardiac events (ie: heart attacks and angina attacks) was more than 2 ½ times the norm (just over 3 times higher for men and just under 2 times for women).

Keeping this in mind, here are my top 10 suggestions, in reverse order, on how to avoid becoming a heart victim statistic:

Tape Delay: Watch the game on a tape delay basis. Knowing the score and outcome ahead of time will surely ease the nerves.

Switch channels during the commercials: Although the ads may be the best part, (this year’s Super Bowl an exception) and you may be angry at missing them, your health depends on not making the game a “backseat event”.

GET NAKED: In the privacy of your own home, keep your clothes off. You could be so concerned about “other” things; it will take your mind off the big game.

MINI SCREEN: You’ve heard of the 50 inch big screen. Well, try this on for size. View the much anticipated match on a five inch mini. If my math is right, that should reduce the stress 10 times.

IMPAIRED VISION: Remove eyewear (glasses, contacts etc). With your vision slightly impaired, the game you “believed” you watched may, in fact, differ from the actual game itself.

BOXING: Place a punching bag close by your television set. Design it with a picture of your favourite politician. Imagine how good it will feel when you take let loose with a left-right combination.

HEARTY MEALS: Eat lots of food you don’t like, or at least the type of food that doesn’t agree with your system. Believe me, when this happens, your heart will be the least of your worries.

GAMBLING: Bet heavy on the team you are cheering against. In this way it will be a win-win situation, and your heart will love you to death. If your favourite team wins, who cares if it cost you some bucks. After all, there are some things money can’t buy. If your favourite team loses, think about what you can buy for that special someone.

MAPLE LAUGHS: Cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs. They never get to the big game, so you never have to worry.

DITTO: Cheer for the PG Cougars. Same as above.

From the quote rack:

“The CBC has applied for a license to broadcast an all amateur sports channel. Great just what we need more Leaf games.”Contributor Derek Wilken of Calgary (http://smacksport.blogspot.com/)

“The number of people watching NHL games on the Versus network in the United States is up 50 per cent this season. There is a logical explanation; the hockey-loving couple in Columbus had a baby.”Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon StarPhoenix

“On Super Bowl media day, a female television reporter proposed marriage to Tom Brady. He graciously declined, saying he was "a one woman man." He then excused himself, saying he needed to call his baby’s mother before he went home to his girlfriend.”Contributor Janice Hough of Palo Alto, California (www.leftcoastsportsbabe.com)

"Tony Romo gets pummelled with Jessica Simpson in the luxury box and the same thing happens to Tom Brady with Gisell Bundchen looking on in Super Bowl 42. Boston has a new curse to deal with--The Curse of the Bam-bimbo."Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California

And in case you missed it:

White does it Right

Jordan White of the Portland Winterhawks stopped the first 66 shots he faced in a recent 4-0 WHL loss to the Seattle Thunderbirds. He finished the game with 68 saves as the T-birds outshot the hapless Hawks 72-22.
Yes, that’s the same White who had 91 saves for the PG Spruce Kings in that marathon 3-2 victory over the Camrose Kodiaks in the RBC semi-final last year.

And how was your week?

Hartley Miller is the sports director for radio stations 94X and the Wolf@97fm. He also writes for the PG Free Press. Send along a quote, note or anecdote to hmiller@94xfm.com

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