It's that time of year again to take out the dictionary and look up the word “draft”. The WHL and NFL recently completed their drafts and next month the NHL and NBA will stockpile their teams with prospects.

When talking to the media, General Managers use the same common lingo, commonly known as rhetoric. It is very likely one of the GM's will make statements such as “how thrilled” they are with the new additions to their roster. Of course, most draft picks, particularly after the first two rounds don't blossom, but this doesn't dampen the enthusiasm.

As a result, I have decided to offer Hartley's mock draft (rounds one to ten). It really doesn't matter the sport or the team because my draft falls under one umbrella. Let's assume the team takes one player in each round. I will quote directly from the draft dictionary and my subsequent observations and interpretation of the message:

 

Round One:   “He is an impact player. We anticipate he will be the face of the franchise for years
to come.” Let's just face the facts. He should be outstanding and if he isn't, the scouting department will pay the ultimate price.

 

Round Two: “We actually had him rated as a first rounder.” This comment tries to boost the kid’s ego which has been severely bruised.

 

Round Three:   “We are very excited to get him.” A classic when it comes to the spin game. Everybody is always excited until the guy shows up for camp.

 

Round Four: “This is a character kid who may surprise.” In other words, this is where the big drop off in the draft starts.

 

Round Five: “The kid has grit and maybe a diamond in the rough.” Don't count on it. The last I looked grit and talent don't have the same meaning.

 

Round Six: “He could be the steal of the draft.” Let's just hope his background check is okay and that kleptomania doesn't run in his family.

 

Round Seven: “He comes to play.” Don't they all? It would be a bit embarrassing if the youngster had an opposite philosophy.

 

Round Eight: “He led his team in scoring.” His team and/or opposition must have stunk.

 

Round Nine: “He comes from a great family background.” Ain't that nice! The poor kid may end up being the black sheep in the household.

 

Round Ten:  “We had him ranked higher and he was well worth the risk.” Yes very risky indeed to
select a player 220^th overall when you had him listed at 219.

 

If the above jargon isn't your favorite, then the following 10 phrases will catch your attention:

 

 

“He was the best player available” Says who?

“He has a lot of up-side”   But not in this sport.

“He has size” Too bad he isn't auditioning to be a security guard.

“He is a leader” The Liberals could sure use him.

“He is honest and hard working” Poor guy was blessed with no skill.

“He's played on a winner” Back in grade one I think I played on a winning dodge ball team.

“He's dedicated” Until he doesn't get what he wants.

“He's got talent” But just not for this sport.

“He's the complete package” And Loomis was happy to deliver.

……..and the all time favorite

“We couldn't believe he was still there”. And the reason is he is not that good.

There you have the draft rhetoric; free of charge. Just remember if you want to recommend a prospect
to a team for an upcoming draft make sure “He knows what it takes” and that “he's a competitor”.

 

“There have been two fatal shark-bite attacks off the Pacific Coast this spring, prompting officials to try to figure ways to get rid of the sharks in a hurry. The easiest way - put a sign on the beach saying “Playoff time.” Contributor Janice Hough of Palo Alto, California (www.leftcoastsportsbabe.com)

 

“UPS just announced they have signed a marketing agreement with the owners of Big Brown, the impressive Kentucky Derby winner. Is this really a great idea before the Preakness and Belmont? UPS generally doesn't deliver on Saturdays.” Janice Hough

“Roger Clemens continues to deny he has ever used steroids or human growth hormone. But last
weekend he placed third in the Kentucky Derby.” NBC's Jay Leno

 

“Six harness horses in New Jersey have tested positive for steroids and like Roger Clemens are also accused of being sent out to stud.” Contributor Derek Wilken of Calgary (http://smacksport.blogspot.com/)

“The monthly meeting of 'Women Who Haven't Slept with Roger Clemens' will meet this evening at Applebees. A table for six has been reserved."  Jeff Schultz of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

 

“New York Yankees fan Yvonne Hernandez killed a Boston Red Sox fan on Monday by running over him in a parking lot with her car. They'd been arguing in a bar all day. Every woman in America is giving Hillary Clinton advice on how to win this thing.”  Comedian Argus Hamilton  

 

“The Brooklyn Bridge will celebrate its 125^th anniversary starting on May 22. In a ceremony to
celebrate its selling, Scott Boras will reinact the selling of Barry Zito to the Giants.” Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California

“The Bengals signed Nebraska's Maurice Purify to a two-year contract. Yeah, with all of those arrests lately, the Bengals could use some purification.” Bill Littlejohn

 

 

--The streak is over. David Witthoft, a Connecticut schoolboy, wore a Brett Favre jersey for 1,581
consecutive days.