Hartley miller's Slap Shots, - Friday June 13th, 2008 Edition
Friday, June 13, 2008 03:30 AM
It's Friday the 13th, and I'm in the middle of a nightmare. Please, somebody, wake me up, immediately.My sleep trauma started with those pesky “Ruskies”. Yes, Russia won the World Hockey Championship, with a come from behind 5-4 overtime triumph over host Canada, in Quebec City.
Wait, there’s more, a lot more. In the middle of my nightmare, I was screaming at the thought that a Russian (Alexander Ovechkin) won the Art Ross trophy as scoring champion (Darn it, why did Sidney Crosby have to get hurt?). To further add insult to injury, this same European captured the Hart Trophy as NHL MVP. Please, someone wake me up!!
Alright, my dream can’t get any worse, right? So, let’s look at the playoffs. That’s where it counts,
and the Canadians rise to the occasion, true? Well, a European (Nicklas Lidstrom) captained a Stanley Cup champion for the first time. Oh, it was so much easier to accept when Steve Yzerman wore the “C”.
and the Canadians rise to the occasion, true? Well, a European (Nicklas Lidstrom) captained a Stanley Cup champion for the first time. Oh, it was so much easier to accept when Steve Yzerman wore the “C”.
Okay, let’s keep looking….The Wings two top lines were Europeans, and two of their top three defencemen were also from overseas. It doesn’t stop here either, as another Swede (Henrik Zetterberg) won the playoff scoring title and the Conn Smythe trophy as playoff MVP. Zetterberg also tied with a different Swede (Johan Franzen) for most goals, even though Franzen missed six games. However, there appears to be a consolation prize: don’t forget about Newfoundland’s Dan Cleary and his whopping 3 points in 22 Detroit playoff games.
I am tossing and turning, so can someone fetch me a drink of water? My nightmare has put me in a state of shock, but I will feel better if I receive good news on the North American front. Well, let’s hear it for the good old Red, White and Blue as teams based in the United States won the Stanley Cup (Detroit Red Wings), the Memorial Cup (Spokane Chiefs) and the Calder Cup (Chicago Wolves).
In the middle of this terrible sleep there is this little inner voice that keeps asking these same questions;
what has Canada, the undisputed rulers of hockey done of late? What statement have they made? Well, maybe I'm not dreaming after all; yes, there is something to make me proud in this country. You know, the Hockey Night in Canada Theme song, the one with the steep tradition on Saturday night CBC games. Yes, the one we have heard for 40 years; the same song that is ingrained in the fabric of Canadian culture. Well, Canada's second national anthem has actually been scrapped on the People's Network because of a silly contract dispute……Dunt-da Dunt-da Dunt
what has Canada, the undisputed rulers of hockey done of late? What statement have they made? Well, maybe I'm not dreaming after all; yes, there is something to make me proud in this country. You know, the Hockey Night in Canada Theme song, the one with the steep tradition on Saturday night CBC games. Yes, the one we have heard for 40 years; the same song that is ingrained in the fabric of Canadian culture. Well, Canada's second national anthem has actually been scrapped on the People's Network because of a silly contract dispute……Dunt-da Dunt-da Dunt
Please, oh please, can someone throw some ice on me and wake me up from this terrible experience.
The CBC did what? They lost the rights to this song? No, I don’t believe it. This song, created by Vancouver's Dolores Claman in 1968, has now been scooped up by CTV Inc. The icon of hockey music has swapped networks and will be used in NHL broadcasts on TSN and RDS beginning this fall. In addition, CTV will utilize the song as part of its hockey coverage during the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Winter Games. When Wayne Gretzky was dealt 20 years ago from the Edmonton Oilers there wasn't this much “ballyhoo” about his trade.
Somebody, please wake me up! I don’t understand what has happened to this game. A Stanley Cup was canceled because of a lockout; the invention of the shootout; and the “new” rules with obstruction mentioned in every second word.
Every Friday the 13th seems to be getting worse. There isn't enough medication to pull me through this nightmarish experience. I think I need a new “King Size Posture-Pedic Bed”; one that will stop this insanity.
Please let me wake up now. I need to snap out of this bad, bad dream. WHEWWWWWW! Thanks, I needed that, I am so grateful that Sunday is Father’s Day. Don’t dare say that there isn’t anything to buy “Pops”. All I want is the return of hockey; I mean REAL HOCKEY, REAL THEME SONGS, and REAL CANADIANS.
Oh goodness, my nightmare continues…the words of wisdom from Charles Wadsworth just popped into my head:
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.”
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.”
From the quote rack:
“The Stanley Cup suffered a dent in a Red Wings celebration. Fortunately, there was a MAACO across the street. Actually, a part of the Cup collapsed when it heard the new theme for 'Hockey Night in Canada'.”
Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California
Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California
“In the movie the “The Love Guru”, set to debut in the US June 20, actor Mike Myers plays a character who tries to help a Toronto Maple Leafs player lead his team to a championship.
So why did they call the movie “The Love Guru?” Because “The Miracle Worker” was already taken.”
So why did they call the movie “The Love Guru?” Because “The Miracle Worker” was already taken.”
Contributor Janice Hough of Palo Alto, California (www.leftcoastsportsbabe.com)
“No one can figure out what happened to Big Brown in the Belmont Stakes. A New York favorite hasn’t flopped so spectacularly since Rudy Giuliani.”
Janice Hough
“Big Brown lost the final leg of the Triple Crown. The horse pulled up late in the race, giving up and coming in last. Even that horse knew better than Hillary when to call it quits.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va (http://jokesbyjim.blogspot.com/)
“You’ve seen a quarter crack before. You saw it the last time you had a plumber come by the house to work on your kitchen sink.”
Comedy writer Jerry Perisho (www.jerryperisho.com), on Big Brown having a quarter crack in his left front hoof.
“Travis Henry was distraught after being let go from the Denver Broncos pleading to not let him spend more time with his families.”
Contributor Derek Wilken of Calgary (http://smacksport.blogspot.com/)
“A research base in Antarctica received a shipment of 16,500 condoms just before the long winter darkness arrived. The base also welcomed its newest member, Travis Henry.”
Bill Littlejohn
Bill Littlejohn
“A guitar stolen from country star George Jones 46 years ago in Texas is being returned to him by a man who says he's been trying to track down the singer since the 1960s.
Really -- trying to reach him since the '60s? For the man's next project he is going to help O.J. search for the real killer.”
Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen (www.theprovince.com/liveat5)
And in case you missed it:
Be prepared to shell out $1500 for a round of golf next week at Torrey Pines, site of this year's
U.S. Open.
U.S. Open.
And how was your week?
Hartley Miller is the sports director for radio stations 94X and the Wolf@97fm. He also writes for the PG Free Press. Send along a quote, note or anecdote to hmiller@94xfm.com
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Here are some facts:
The 2007-2008 Season
Pearson Award-NHL MVP Picked by players...Ovechkin
Hart Trophy--NHL MVP-Ovechkin
Selke Trophy-Datysuk
Norris Trophy--Lidstrom
Lady Bing-Datysuk
Art Ross--Ovechkin
Rocket Richard Trophy--Ovechkin
Zetterberg--Conn Symthe
Lidstrom--Captain of Stanley Cup Champions
Team Sweden-Stanley Cup Champions
Zetterberg--Playoff Scoring Champion
Zetterberg & Franzen--Most Goals in Playoffs
World Champions--Russia
So, wake up Hartley, you are not living a bad dream. It is reality. Europeans dominated this sport this past year. It is time that the hockey experts get back to the table and start figuring out what is wrong with our game.